The Drop

Well, it happened. I dropped the girl child, the last child, off at college a week ago. I didn’t have it in me to write about it right away. I needed a minute. The problem is that when we dropped her off, nobody was there. She got to move in early in order to take part in a pre-orientation backpacking trip. Basically I feel like I have not dropped her off for college at all. This is more like camp. She was in athletic clothes, hair in a pony tail, backpack all packed up. Just like camp every summer. After we got her room set up, it was a rushed set of hugs as she bounded out to meet the counselors (trip leaders). So this isn’t the real deal. Right?

It doesn’t help that I haven’t heard from her this past week. They locked the phones away. Just like camp! Do you see why I haven’t processed anything yet? I haven’t even cried. Believe me, I know the flood is coming at some point and it will probably hit me someplace weird like Trader Joes. If you see me balling in public, I guess you will know why, and you can just nod at me with acknowledgement.

Jason and I are adjusting. People keep asking how we are holding up. Fine! Doing all the things we normally do in our busy lives. Bingewatching this seaon of The Bear, eating dinners that cost a lot less for just two people, spending time with friends. All the good things. But I miss her. The Summer I Turned Pretty is so much more fun to watch with her. Now I cringe alone and look forward to debriefing over phone calls. We HAVE to discuss Conrad’s almost egregious level of yearning!

It’s weird. Right now I’m appreciably more excited for her than I am sad for myself. I think I expected the feelings to be about the same. We’ll see. I’m just so proud that both my little birds are flying.